My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
