do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
