I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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