I got chris browned last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
