Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
