i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
