Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
