So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
