Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
