All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
