I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
