Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
