just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
