We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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