Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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