my sisters under your porch take her home
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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