your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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