Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
