My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
