Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
