i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
