I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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