Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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