Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
