areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
barbara walters just said penis...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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