She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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