You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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