oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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