I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
