Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
