I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
