you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
