so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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