she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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