I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
