Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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