we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
