will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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