Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that's an acceptable place to lick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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