i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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