i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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