Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
