I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
