Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
