I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
