The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
