i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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