i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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