If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
