I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
