just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
