6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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