Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it glows. i had to have it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
