Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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