I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
