I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
