my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
