is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
